Oh, yes. It’s “The Tale of the Laser Maze” time. Don’t let the name fool you, or the fact that the teaser is an intense staring contest between Quinn and Vange. I know, when I read that I thought it said Vadge too. Actually, both of those things, minus the dirty name, are indicative of how weak the plot is for this yawn, I mean yarn. Let’s examine the evidence.

Kara and Ashley are a set of twins who aren’t Tia and Tamara. LAME! They are devotees of Tae-Kwon-Do and are quite competitive with one another. You can tell them apart because a. Kara wears blue, 2. Ashley wears red and whatever comes after 7. Kara is far superior to Ashley in this ancient art. Red Ranger’s (Ashley) panties are in a wad because Blue Ranger (Kara) beat her down in a round of Kwon-Do. The ultimate disrespect is that they refuse to bow after the match. The instructor over “Oriental music” talks about wisdom and his grand pappy. I sensed an ancient curse coming but it was a red herring.

After the match, a creepy man named Drake comes out of nowhere and talks about how much he likes twins and wants to watch them play an “exciting” game and look for his lost puppy. He’s a recruiter for laser tag and senses budding womanhood, I mean talent. The girls agree to meet in his van, I mean at the laser tag building.

This is his card. What is everyone else doing on the 4th?

Once they arrive to the venue, they find that they are the only ones. How…..curious. Oh well, why not ignore bad vibes and have a play? While the Rangers are shooting each other, it seems Drake is taking their vitals in another room. The graphics are hot in this episode. Observe:

Kara is of course better than Ashley, and literally zaps her into oblivion. I know I can’t put myself in her shoes, but if my sister literally disappeared after I zapped her I’d be far more concerned than Kara seemed to be. Drake tricks Kara into thinking that Ashley is fine and leaves her with a game questionnaire. It reminds me of my SATs.

This is laser tag:

This is graphics:

Me and my SATs:

Kara eventually gets curious and goes exploring. A very “robotic” Ashley suddenly appears, challenging Kara to a rematch. Stupid twin. She loses AGAIN, but this time her head pops off.

WTF? Then 4 other Ashlix appear. How many Ashlies does it take to kill a superior twin? Four! Where do you go when you get zapped three times/die? You go to a room where you are placed inside a giant photo copy machine. Why? So Drake can send your copies into a portal where they are sent to play the game with someone or something or some planet. Doesn’t make much sense, I know.

Drake really f’s it up because these copies suck at the game and the creatures on the other side send back a clone to deliver a message: Your copies suck give us our money back or come have a “meeting” on the other side. Drake refuses. Twins offer to fight in his stead. They are released from their copy machines, use their twin telepathy, and karate chop Drake through the portal. As they are leaving a Drake clone tries to laser them, but he loses because sisterhood is powerful.

Clone delivering an angry message. She’s a hot mess.

Telepathy. No wonder Drake didn’t see it coming.

Kara and Ashley apologize and talk about respect. Then they make out. J/K! Perhaps the most terrifying part of this episode is knowing, really knowing, that your sibling is better than you, unequivocally. Drake get really scientific about this. Usually, you can trick yourself into thinking you are good at some things, your sibling at others. What really messes up this dream are standardized tests, like an I.Q. test or if some alien named Drake wants to clone your ass.

Fun facts: Dem twins ain’t even related! I would say good casting, but Laura Vandervoort who played Ashley was the one who got famous playing a character named…..KARA! Her favorite color is BLUE, not red. It’s a cwazy world. All in all though, I do not approve of this episode. Tucker has lost serious cool points with me, but I must say puberty has been kind to him. Nice bone structure.

Tucker. Swoonzy.

p.s.-There is no maze is the laser maze. None. They weren’t lost ONCE.

Submitted for your approval by Alex