I have been waiting for this one. O.k. fine, I tots skipped over “Tale of the Twisted Claw.” I have poor impulse control. In this episode you get to see a young Mia Kirshner star as a young Jenny from “The L-Word.”
The Midnight Society turns into The Planet for one freaky night and then Kit sings, “girls in white dresses who drag with moustaches,” while swigging vodka and then there is a sad tortured lesbian sex scene. Not really, but one can wish upon a pop culture star.
Kristen is late and doesn’t help build the Society fire. RUDE! Kiki burns her (figuratively) and makes a crack about Kristen not wanting to break her nails. Kristen should know better; lesbians have short nails. Why would you have long nails when telling a lesbian yarn? You just wouldn’t. Get ready for:
You’ll never guess this, but Amy has to stay with her cousin Pam on a….FARM! C’mon AYAOTD, this is getting predictable. Amy is a big city whore and Pam is a country drip. These kissing cousins get their jollies by rummaging around in the attic. Pam’s mom is a (w)hoarder. It’s fun playing dress-up and Mia gets good practice being a lezzie. Check out her top-hat!
You like? Gender play is so fun!
These kleptos continue to act like old farts at a garage sale and stumble across a picture of a young lady that looks a lot like Pam. Oh. That’s not Pam? It’s her dead Aunt Dora? I coulda swore…
Don’t be stoopid! This wrinkled brow demonstrateds the disgust I feel for you at this very moment!
What’s this trunk with the emanating sounds? It belonged to Dead Dora? Hmmmm….it’s locked. Pam shows good sense and wants to leave well enough alone, but thrill seeking Amy has to pick the boil. More on that boil later.
In hindsight, who’s outfit is more ridiculous?
Amy and Pammers fuck around with a Ouiji board and it says “Let me Out” and gives them the combo to the locked trunk, 149! I theorized it’s the apartment number of Jeffery Dahmer, but I had to settle for… 1,4 and 9 are all square numbers! Barf.
They open the trunk and out pops Dead Dora! Oh wait, Pam puts on Dora’s coat and becames Dora. I can see how Amy thought they were the same person.
A body possesion does you good! Mia is looking hawt! Would you a. rather be ugly and alive or 2. hot and dead but possesing a body?
Dora mumbles about some petite rouge, which is not a shade of lipsticky. It means something red in French. Back in her alive days, she befriended petite rouge which was a fox that was kept for hound racing? What a fucked up sport.
She let it go b/c she had a heart of gold, changed her mind and went to re-capture it on her horse and died. But the point is she never fed the hounds. I would assume the help would have done that but apparently Dora’s parents were teaching her manners or something.
Is this John Lithgow or whatever his name is from that alien show that’s not Roswell?
Dora wants to make good and feed the hounds now. Amy is like no, those hounds are going to eat me. Dora doesn’t give a shit and releases them. Holy shit, they treed big city Amy on a hay bail. How…poetical. But then mon petite lipstick saves the day by sacrificing himself. Whoosh! Pam moves to LA with her boyfriend, only to have an affair the owner of the Planet, thus realizing her lesbonic powers.
They looked scarier in the show. They did! They did!
What a lovely nap! Whatthehells?!?
I looked how good possessed?
This entire tale is a warning to feed your pets. I realized this right around when I wondered if I left my cat locked on the back porch in 100 degree weather. We all have our hungry hound moments! Don’t worry, Pnut is alive!
Kristen did quite a swell job! Do you think she slept with the writers to get all the juicy stories? Couch casting anyone?
Submitted for your approval by Alex